Thursday, April 30, 2009
I hate myself today.It makes me sad to try so hard and still fail.
Conductor wasn't happy with ronde start today.
He was talking about me, I know it, because I sounded horribly throaty today, I don't know why. Furthermore, I stand in the front row, so it's very obvious when I sing badly.
I know I used the right technique, but somehow my voice falls short.
And the more he looks at me, the more scared I become and then... Sigh.
I tried so hard today already, but still sounded so bad for ronde.
... ... ...
So I said I couldn't make it.
Gave up.
And I'm angry with myself now for giving up.
But at least I won't make the sop 1s sound bad in the beginning.
I guess that's it.
It's not that I don't have the focus and determination. It's just the confidence and the tiredness.
Was super tired today. Hopefully the rest over the weekend will do me good, though there isn't time for me to rest much.
Still feel uncomfortable standing in front row...
I am giving up on math as well for the time being, being until next week.
Which means I'm almost certain to fail the math test next week.
(This is turning into some confession thingy...)
On a lighter note, if anyone is getting a Sony Vaio, please ask for the free Liverpool jersey that comes along with the purchase and give it to me for my birthday!! Haha. (I might be jk. Or not.)
It's always bloody hard to smile and make jokes when I actually feel depressed deep down. But I do it all the time. Why am I doing this to myself?
Labels: that sunken feeling; always lacking confidence; math is downhill; pretense; __ so close yet so far.
i'VE got this 
i WANT this